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Russian spy recruited kids on Telegram for arson in Odesa

Original version ·

Just when you think Russian intelligence couldn't sink any lower, they start outsourcing actual sabotage to literal teenagers who just wanted a side hustle.

The SBU caught a Russian military intelligence officer named Artem Shmul. His brilliant strategy? Scouring Telegram channels for Ukrainian teenagers looking for quick cash, and convincing them to commit arson.

His "agents" turned out to be kids aged 13 to 18. Before letting them do the "big leagues" stuff, this master spy actually gave them test tasks like handing out provocative flyers on the streets of Odesa.

Once they passed the flyer test, they graduated to burning down a National Guard truck and a railway relay cabinet. They had to film the fires on their phones to get paid. Four of these kids got caught back in May, and now Shmul has been charged in absentia.

A professional military spy whose entire network consists of grounded eighth graders is peak modern warfare.

Source: SBU

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  1. Stubborn Galician
    professional spy doing peer-to-peer marketing to middle schoolers. absolute joke of an army
    +4 solidA scathing critique of military incompetence that hits harder than a middle schooler's first detention
  2. Banderite Sunflower
    how desperate do you have to be to recruit 13 year olds
    +1 boringAsking rhetorical questions about desperation is the intellectual equivalent of watching paint dry
  3. Thrifty Otaman
    And the kids actually did it for pocket money. Parents, please talk to your children about telegram channels, this is wild.
    +6 solidA rare moment of parental sanity in a digital dumpster fire
  4. Defiant Stork
    looooool imagine your spy career ends because some eighth grader forgot to put his phone on airplane mode
    +3 funnyThe mental image of a failed espionage career ending in a classroom is pure comedy gold